The Hidden Costs Of Divorce
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by: AlexArcher
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Word Count: 574
Taking apart a marriage is complicated, and the intense feelings involved make it much more so. Consider you and your spouse's financial conditions if only one of you has been the wage earner, or if one is earning much more than the other, the financial change could be devastating.
Maintaining two households is almost always more expensive than maintaining one and when you have kids it can cost even more. Not because the commute for the children costs the parents money, but because the process of being shuttled between parents can stress the children.
You might not even realize the true high cost of divorce (financially or emotionally) until you've made an assessment of your lives. The child custody issue, in particular, is rocky. Besides the emotional issues involved, there is the potential financial nightmare of child support.
Even if you don't have kids, it can be difficult to divide the property and items acquired as a couple. Besides practical reasons for needing a particular item, there are also things that one of you might have sentimental attachments to. You might have to sell your formally shared home to fairly divide it, with not only the high cost of moving but the loss of a place where so many good family memories have occurred.
Money may be the reason for the split in the first place and seeing a financial counselor may be required to settle such issues as dividing debts. This type of help can even lead to saving the marriage where money is the big issue of dissent.
If an affair is the cause of the split, you might be able to save the marriage with professional help. The clergy will often help at not expense, but there are also family services that charge on a sliding scale and private marriage counselors. Most importantly find someone who has experience with infidelity. Sometimes inexperienced or amateur counsel from friends and family can do far more harm than good.
The betrayed party is certainly hurt by the affair, but the vows that pledged you both to fidelity also called for you to stick together through both good and bad times. Start the healing process: take time to understand the \"whys\" of the affair, and remember that the cheater is a human being who makes mistakes like all of us.
Besides all of the other costs of a divorce, there is also fact that you would be losing the identity of being a couple. This changes your social dynamic with friends and in activities. Even when you both want the divorce, it is common to become lonely and drift into relationships too quickly. Try to remember the good times, and put what is happening now into a farther perspective.
You might be able to avoid divorce (and its high emotional and financial costs) if you get help and are dedicated to saving the relationship. Even if you get the divorce anyway, the help from experts will probably help ease some of the pains. Be honest about the costs of divorce to yourself and the decision will become much clearer.
About the Author
Infidelity creates a pain like no other. At the Affair Recovery Center we know from experience. We can help you rebuild your life. Don't suffer another day. Start healing from infidelity right now.
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